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In The End You Belong To Neither The Light Nor The Darkness [entries|friends|calendar]

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[22 Jan 2015|08:46pm]
But you don't need my pictures on your wall;
You say you need no one.
And you don't need my secret midnight call;
I guess you need no one.
Ignite Your Saber

Everything That Downs Me Makes Me Want To Fly [01 Jun 2014|01:54pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Workout update!

Sunday 5/25
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 19 - 20 minutes
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Monday 5/26
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 20 - 20 minutes
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Tuesday 5/27
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Wednesday 5/28
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 21 - 20 minutes
4 mile walk - 60 minutes
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Thursday 5/29
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 22 - 20 minutes
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Friday 5/30
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 23 - 20 minutes
PM Yoga - 20 minutes

Saturday 5/31
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 24 - 20 minutes
Running around City Museum (Shut up, it counts) - 90 minutes

Ignite Your Saber

You'd Better Work, Bitch [23 May 2014|07:03pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Sorry for skipping the past few weeks, imaginary reader! Time to play catch up.

Sunday 4/27
Exhale Core Fusion: Body Sculpt - 50 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Monday 4/28
Exhale Core Fusion: Pilates Plus - 50 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Tuesday 4/29
Rest day

Wednesday 4/30
Ballet Beautiful: Sculpt n Burn - Mat Work - 30 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Thursday 5/1
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - 20 minutes
2 mile walk - 30 minutes

Friday 5/2
Rest Day

Saturday 5/3
Exhale Core Fusion: Standing Glute Toner - 10 minutes

Sunday 5/4
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 1 - 20 minutes
2 mile walk - 30 minutes

Monday 5/5
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 2 - 20 minutes

Tuesday 5/6
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 3 - 20 minutes

Wednesday 5/7
Rest Day

Thursday 5/8
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 4 - 20 minutes

Friday 5/9
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 5 - 20 minutes

Saturday 5/10
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 6 - 20 minutes

Sunday 5/11
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 7 - 20 minutes

Monday 5/12
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 8 - 20 minutes

Tuesday 5/13
Rest Day

Wednesday 5/14
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 9 - 20 minutes

Thursday 5/15
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 10 - 20 minutes

Friday 5/16
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 11 - 20 minutes

Saturday 5/17
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 12 - 20 minutes

Sunday 5/18
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 13 - 20 minutes
2 mile walk - 30 minutes

Monday 5/19
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 14 - 20 minutes

Tuesday 5/20
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 15 - 20 minutes

Wednesday 5/21
Rest Day

Thursday 5/22
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 16 - 20 minutes

Friday 5/23
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 17 - 20 minutes
Exhale Core Fusion: 30 Day Sculpt - Sculpt 18 - 20 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Saturday 5/24
Exhale Core Fusion: Cardio: Pure Intensity - 60 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

I will be less lazy with updating and working out soon, hopefully. I have 2 more weeks of the 30 Day Sculpt left before I move onto other things (I don't know what this will be yet, but still.)

Also, WTF happened to my PM Yoga? Get on it, girl.

Ignite Your Saber

Let's Get Physical [26 Apr 2014|03:53pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Weekly workouts!

Sunday 4/20
AM Yoga - 10 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Monday 4/21
Exhale Core Fusion: Body Sculpt - 50 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Tuesday 4/22
Exhale Core Fusion: Pilates Plus - 50 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Wednesday 4/23
Ballet Beautiful Sculpt n Burn Standing - 30 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Thursday 4/24
Exhale Core Fusion: Thighs and Glutes - 55 minutes
Ballet Beautiful Inner Thigh Series - 6 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Friday 4/25
Exhale Core Fusion: Arms and Abs - 50 minutes
4.25 mile walk - 70 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Saturday 4/26
Exhale Core Fusion: Energy Flow Yoga - 60 minutes
PM Yoga - 15 minutes

Ignite Your Saber

I'm Not Running From You [19 Apr 2014|12:19pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Oh hey LJ, you don't mind if I post my workouts here, do you? Cooooooool.

Sunday 4/13
Exhale Core Fusion: Body Sculpt (50 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Monday 4/14
Exhale Core Fusion: Pilates Plus (50 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Tuesday 4/15
Exhale Core Fusion: Thighs and Glutes (55 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Wednesday 4/16
Exhale Core Fusion: Energy Flow Yoga (50 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Thursday 4/17
Exhale Core Fusion: Abs and Arms (50 minutes)

Friday 4/18
Exhale Core Fusion: Body Sculpt (50 minutes)
4 mile walk (65 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Saturday 4/19
Ballet Beautiful Classic Workout (60 minutes)
PM Yoga (15 minutes)

Ignite Your Saber

You Know Time Crawls On While You're Waiting For The Song To Start [20 Feb 2014|09:18pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I don't, at all. I hate what I do now. Every day I dread waking up and going to work, and that would maybe be bearable if I were doing something to change it, working toward what I actually want But I have no clue what I want. So I go, and I suffer, and I wade through the years of my life like it's a burden, when all I want to do is live and be happy.

I don't want to be stuck in this city, but I feel like I don't have a real choice anymore. I never had any intention of staying in St. Louis, living in St. Louis, and Brad has no intention of living anywhere else. So unless I chose myself over the man I love, here I am. Trapped, getting unhappier by the day.

Ignite Your Saber

My Childhood Spat Back Out The Monster That You See [06 Jun 2013|10:32pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I'm going retro and updating my LiveJournal. WHOA.

I've been feeling nostalgic for a week now. It started with a tornado that made me think back to the one that hit DHS 10 years ago, and has now spiraled out of control a bit. Kristin is coming over on Saturday night and we're going to drink, eat pizza, watch old high school videos, and gossip about things that happened 10 years ago. THAT I'm looking forward to, A LOT. I've also been reading old journals and reflecting on how so many things in my life have just seemed - unreal. Like every single thing that happened in San Diego. Like getting closure, years later, with Josh, and James, Ryan, even Travis. Neat little packages, tied with a bow.

I don't know where my life is going right now. I don't know what I really want to do. I'm 27 and still trying to figure out who I am. But I'm glad I'm not who I was 10 years ago. I'm glad I'm not who I was 5 years ago. I'm content right now to be me, although I would love help figuring out exactly who that is.

Ignite Your Saber

Bum, Bum, Bum bum bum BUM Buuuuum [04 May 2012|12:20pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So, I feel like screaming into the vacuum that is LiveJournal. HELLO, LIVEJOURNAL!

I'm running a marathon in October, shortly after I turn 27. DUDE. 27. EFF THAT. I still hate running, but I am doing this. 26.2 miles, here I come!

After that, I plan on doing a marathon a year. Because you see, when you're training for a marathon, you know what you can't do? Diet. And I dearly love NOT dieting. Plus, it's a really good excuse to travel to places. I love traveling! So to recap: I hate dieting, but love traveling. Marathon is a win/win. Except for the running part.

So from here on out, the plan is a half marathon and a marathon each year. After my fitness/cardiovascular level is up from this one, my training won't have to be as running exclusive as it is right now - right now it's running 4 days a week, one day of cross training, and one day of yoga. After this, I plan on running 3 times a week, 2 days of weights, and one day of yoga. Because I loooooooove lifting. Far more than running.

It's Star Wars Day, and that means I have to inform you that I own every. single. Star Wars book. There are 156 Star Wars books sitting on my two dedicated Star Wars bookshelves right now.

It's also what Brad and I (mainly me) have decided is our anniversary, since we don't have a real one, and today is the day I met him, 3 years ago. So tonight, we're going out. I dearly love that man. We're currently both building up our credit as much as possible to go house hunting. He wants to get a promotion to SM first, but at this point, we're both impatieint to get this process rolling.

And that's all.

Ignite Your Saber

[29 Mar 2011|12:17am]
[ mood | energetic ]





A girlfriend

A best friend

A Star Wars geek

A Rams fangirl

A video game lover

A Jedi


Run miles

Lift the heavy weights

Hang with the boys

Read for hours

Work weeks on end with no break

Bake like a fiend

Make anyone smile


Be subdued

Be afraid

Be not me.

Because I love me. Every quirk, every fiber of my being .... I love me. Everyone should love themselves. Everyone should believe in themselves. And if you don't ... I will for you.

Because YOU can do anything.

3 Ignited _Ignite Your Saber

You Can't See A Dream [06 Mar 2011|11:06pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Week 8 finished. What!? How did that happen!?

Not much of an update this week. I'm tired. Work is killing me. Did/loved week 8. I can't wait for Insanity: Asylum to be released in a month or so. I am seriously in love with this brutal craziness.

Ignite Your Saber

Oh, Instincts Are Misleading; You Shouldn't Think What You're Feeling [26 Feb 2011|02:29pm]
[ mood | blah ]

And week 7 of Insanity is in the history books! Even though I have felt like pure crap all week. This time of year blows for my health. The crazy, swinging weather always gives me massive headaches .... and on top of that, my throat has felt all gunky and moderately sore. And I just worked over a week straight. And had a visit from my DM in there. But I digress! Week 7 was fine; my body adjusted to the max stuff pretty well, actually. I still hate every last pushup involved in Max Plyo, but at the end of that DVD during the stretch, Shaun T says, "You should feel good right now. You should feel accomplished, because I know you did better than last time." And he's right! I can't believe this is over in 2 more weeks. I'll be moving on to my 90 days of P90x, and while I'm excited for a new challenge, I'm a little sad. I really like Shaun T's style, and I know I don't like Tony Horton's. He's douchey. But, oh well. I'll do it. I'm proud of me! I have worked out 6 days a week every single week this year so far. I have not skipped a single day. I have not half-assed anything.

I still want warmth. I would have taken so many more walks by now. I like taking walks when I can't sleep the best - wander the sidewalks and think, wear out my body, then hit the bed. I would have taken about 5 of those this week. It was a really stressful week. I need my stress levels to go down. Because working out is great and all, but it doesn't really seem to do much for you when you go home and eat a whole pizza after work just to calm down.

I am an emotional eater. I wish I could stop.

I'm being useless today. After a workout and shower, I've been sitting on the internet catching up on my favorite blog for hours. I made a GIANT Spring Cleaning checklist at work last night, and cannot muster up the energy to do any of it. Or play video games. Or cook. Or pay my bills with my nonexistent money. Nope. Reading a blog. The sad thing is, I love cleaning. But how can I get excited for spring cleaning when it's not even 40 degrees out!?

The apartment smells great though. I use Wallflowers plug-ins from Bath and Body Works, and invested in some new scents yesterday. I normally fill every room of the house with Vanilla Coconut (YUM!) but decided to be adventurous. So the bedroom and my car are still rocking the classic, but the living room is Pineapple Orchard and the bathroom is Sea Breeze Cotton. I'm in love.

I'm also in love with champagne truffles. At 2.50 a pop, they're worth every single penny. Why is there a candy store across from work? That's just not fair.

Off to read more blog. And be a lump for the rest of the day. I suck.

Ignite Your Saber

You Will Wait For Me ... [21 Feb 2011|12:33pm]
[ mood | headachy ]

Week 6 is finished. Time seems to be flying a bit. It was .... difficult. I had gotten used to the beginning weeks, and was feeling pretty confident, and then WHAM! You're not in shape at all, fool! Bow down to the Insanity gods and sweat out 75% of your body weight!

But! This morning I noticed my thighs are kind of awesome now. Which is great, since they have long been the bane of my existence. Thank you, Shaun T, for making me do so many squats that I wanted to punch you in the face. Although, if I ever meet you, I will punch you in the face for putting 5 different kinds of pushups in Max Plyo. You sadistic bastard.

Three more weeks to go!

Have you guys ever gone to the grocery store and looked at cake mixes and pondered some of the flavors? I always pondered strawberry. Do people eat strawberry cake? That just sounds wrong. What did people do with it? Well, I've found out. They make chocolate-covered strawberry cake balls. And then they rejoice. I brought them down to Quonset on Saturday for meeting Kristin's boyfriend, because baked goods = good first impression, as a general rule (After giving 10 to Brad so he'd stop pouting that I WAS BAKING FOR ANOTHER MAN, haha) My next baking project will be these double chocolate Oreo cookies for him (He has an Oreo obsession that cannot be rivaled) and I still need to make the strawberry cheesecake muffins. We need to have a get-together just so I can bake. And then cry when everyone eats Gizmo's superior baked goods.

Spring is coming! I got to take a few walks this past week. Oh, it was lovely. Walking and thinking and daydreaming and listening to music and breathing the fresh air ..... aaaaahhhhhhhhh! I want it to be not-raining. I need the weather to be gorgeous. I need to be outside. Although walking always makes me long for San Diego - I used to take 6 mile meandering walks all summer in SD. Eventually the conflicting halves of my brain when it comes to SD will have to be settled. But until then, I'll just miss it.

My jealousy-ragey issues have gotten so much better as Arin-and-Brad has become more and more secure. We talk every day. He can say the "I love you" words. People know and recognize us together. But sometimes (and I blame a lot of this on it being February) my brain just haywires out. I walked out yesterday morning to take the trash out and he was standing out there smoking with his GA and Candle Bitch, and I seriously just wanted to body slam her and yell "MINE!" And it's not fair to him (not that he knows) that old doubts, old insecurities make me expect for him to hurt me. For everything else really, I could care less about Glenn anymore, but that alone is why I hate him. I hate him for making me feel unlovable, not good enough, and not-trusting. I deserved better. It's taken me years to actually accept and believe that, and now I know it's true. I deserved so, so much better. And I hate him for making me feel like less than I am. I don't know how to push past the mental block, the panic that no guy will ever be satisfied with just me. But I love Brad, and I'm going to be enough for him.

4 Ignited _Ignite Your Saber

I'm Love Stoned ..... And I Think That He Knows [14 Feb 2011|12:29pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I'm here! I'm here! I'm being accountable and here! I was going to be accountable yesterday, but I wound up doing my taxes instead. So here I am!

The recovery week was fairly easy, and I had A LOT of other stuff going on, so I made it an actual recovery week and didn't do my second workout at night. I just didn't have time. And then I ate like a moo cow, because The Bleeding started yesterday and I always eat like a moo cow the week before that and retain all my water (and I've been drinking a TON of water) and now I feel like a fucking BLIMP. Arin-the-Blimp is committed to unBlimping though, so I woke up this morning to start my Max Week 1. I looked at the calendar and I'm supposed to do the Fit Test before I do Max Interval. I blink in surprise. Before this, the Fit Test was always done by itself - that was the workout for the day. It's not easy. So i did my third Fit Test, and once again, improved in all areas. I may feel/look like a blimp, but I am leaps and bounds more in shape than I was when I started. Then I pop in Max Interval, already halfway exhausted, and gasp at the timer at the bottom of the screen. AN HOUR!? AN EFFING HOUR!? AFTER THE FIT TEST!?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!?! Evil! (The workouts in the first 5 weeks ranged from about 36-45 minutes) So i huffed and puffed and panted and worked my way through all new moves and dear god why. Just why. Owowowowowow why!?

Alright. I'm better now.

And since I am working out so much harder than I ever thought possible - and that includes going back to doing my Yoga tonight, and catching walks when I can now that it's getting warmer - I'm also really going to be watching what I eat. No chocolate for Arin this Valentine's Day! (Well, maybe a little. But only if Brad gives me some. Otherwise, no!)

In other news ... man, I need a new job. I want a receptionist job. I'm organized. I'm pretty. I have years of experience in customer service. I think I can sit at a desk, schedule appointments, look gorgeous, greet people, answer the phone, and make coffee. With the way the VW has been, I just can't take much more of doing EVERYONE'S jobs for them. It's exhausting, it's not fair, and it makes me hate a job I otherwise enjoyed.

Brad asked me to be his Valentine, being a goof. I scowled and told him I don't celebrate that stupid day. He pouted. I softened. I am his Valentine. And thinking about it .... Glenn dumping me was, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I should celebrate Valentine's Day simply to celebrate the anniversary of the best, most freeing experience of my life. So, no more V Day bitterness from me.

Ignite Your Saber

Did You Think This Would Be Much Easier Than It Turned Out To Be? [06 Feb 2011|11:42pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I'm here, I'm here.

Insanity week 4 is in the history books. I started Level 2 of yoga this week as well. And guess what? I CAN TOUCH MY TOES!!!!!!!!! That has seriously been a goal of mine since I was a wee, out-of-shape tot of 13. So I'm very pleased with this development. This next week of Insanity is Core Cardio and Balance every day, getting ready for the beginning of the "max" last 4 weeks. This will be a new workout for me, so hopefully I like it, since I'll be doing it six days in a row.

After this I think I'm going to do P90x doubles. It'll actually mean I'm working out less than I am now, but with more of an emphasis on strength training. We'll see. Vince said he'd send it to me, and I'd really like to do it. I know that as a female I'm incapable of bulking up unless I was striving to do so, so I'm not worried about that: I just don't want to lose any of the cardiovascular strength that I've gained from Insanity! But by the time I'll be starting P90x, it will (hopefully!) be warm enough that I can start taking walks again. I can't stand not being able to walk. Me without walks = STRESS. My walks are my me time, my time to slowly think through my problems, to daydream, to call friends I haven't spoken to in a while, or to zone out and listen to music. My walks are what keep me sane. And by the time EVIL FEBRUARY rolls along, I'm always starting to go crazy without them.

Bough 1000 IU of Vitamin D to help get me through SAD. It could kick in any second now and that'd be great!

I bought my Comic Con 2011 ticket yesterday. I'm excited to be going back to Second Home. I miss San Diego far more than I admit, even to myself. A small part of me wishes I'd never come back. That's silly of course, but a part of me is still there. I'll be glad to be reunited with it, even if it is for just a week. And there's Star Wars day!

Speaking of, I think I may be Slave Leia for Halloween this year, if I'm shapely enough. ~fingers crossed~

I'm going to hardcore start job searching. I've seriously had it with retail and ridiculous corporate expectations that make my life a living hell. I'm hoping to find a receptionist job or something, and keep VW maybe once a week for some extra cash. I don't really know how to go about looking for a new job like that though. I hammered out a resume and cover letter today and think they look pretty good, but I've never written a non-acting resume before. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not cut out for real life. I need to hurry up and Femme Fatale my body out and get modeling/acting in a hurry. (Another perk of a receptionist/office job - free evenings for rehearsals and such!)

Oh! Also! Yay Packers winning the Super Bowl! When brad and I went up to Lambeau in November I never imagined we would be watching the Super Bowl champs in the making. If it couldn't be the Rams (2012, anyone?) I'm glad it was the Pack.

I have a baking project coming up for the week of V-Day. Brad calls me "love muffin" quite frequently, so I decided to bake him some love muffins: strawberry cheesecake muffins with a melted chocolate drizzle. It should be fun. And delicious.

Such is my life as of now. You guys should update your journals, you know. I feel like I'm shouting into a vacuum here.

Ignite Your Saber

Baby, It's Cold Outside ... [31 Jan 2011|06:16pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

And week three of Insanity is finished. Week four started today. I had my second fit test, and improved in everything - some by many, some by just a few. but improvement. And this week I got through every warm-up without having to take a break! (That's right, this is so freaking crazy that for awhile the warm up wears you out.) The first day I pushed all the way through the warm up I had to stop, pause, go throw up, then come back and finish my work out. Which kinda made me feel like a badass .... but I digress. I'm improving. It's still hard. This is my last week of the "normal" workouts. Next week is a solid recovery week of Core Cardio and Balance. The last four weeks are called the "Max" weeks, which terrifies me. I've heard it can take you up to 2 hours to recover from the workouts. They get longer and more intense. I can do it though. I can do anything.

Ignite Your Saber

Tell Me Life Is Beautiful [22 Jan 2011|12:47pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

Week two of Insanity complete. Down to 7!

This week was just mixing up the workouts I'd already done, with one adition - after Pure Cardio, you have to do Cardio Abs as well. Because, you know, Pure Cardio isn't hard enough by itself! </ sarcasm> I kept up with the twice-a-day as well, as long as I do Yoga when I get home tonight. Which I will, because it's not hard and I need to be more stretchy. By the end of this, I want to be able to touch my toes, damn it! I have never in my life been able to, and that's a huge goal of mine. Touch my toes.

I played through the Alan Wake DLC this week and LOVED IT. I still need to buy the game - I've gotten it through Gamefly twice now. I actually have an amount off from them and will probably buy it right after I send my current copy back - it was sorta .... scratchy. I'd like a different copy. But I'll get it for 20 bucks and free shipping! Speaking of, on Thursday the EA store sneakily put all of their stuff on 50% off and free shipping, but only until 4 PM. Well, I noticed, and I got Dragon Age Ultimate Edition (the one that comes with all 60 bucks or so worth of DLC included) for 25 dollars. SWEET! I've played through the actual game and really wanted some DLC, but not enough to spend that much money on it. So yay for deals!

Last night, Brad asked me to go to his playoff hockey game tomorrow night and watch him play. This is a BIG DEAL. He has friends that play on his team. He has a coworker who plays on his team. Granted, it's a loosely kept secret that he and I are together, but we don't throw it out there. I said of course, and while reeling from this surprising development, he followed it up by saying we could maybe go to his cousins afterward. Holy sweet Force. Meeting family outside of his dad and brother!? Where did this come from!? The answer was still yes, obviously. It's just so .... surprising! And then he went all lovey-dovey and I cried. Every time he tells me he loves me, I cry. That could stop any second now and it would be okay.

Time to make some lunch and get ready for work. I was off the past two days and have yet to venture out into the snow, other than cleaning my car off on Thursday. Oh well though, I'm sure the roads are probably pretty good by now.

Ignite Your Saber

Silence In Black and White ... [16 Jan 2011|01:39pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Week one of Insanity -COMPLETE! 8 more to go!

I'm going to do a weekly update on my progress, just to stay accountable. Beginning weight is 114 lbs. Measurements are waist, 25" and hips, 33".

The first day was a Fit Test, which just about kicked my ass. I would consider myself at an intermediate fitness level, but WOW. I did okay, I guess, but they are NOT KIDDING when they say these are the toughest workouts ever put on DVD. Day 2 was Plyo .... who makes a Plyo workout Day 2!?!? Good lord! Day 3 was Cardio Recovery, which just means your heart isn't pounding out of your chest, but your muscles are burning in agony. Recovery my ass. Day 4 was Cardio Power and Resistance, which I liked well enough. Then came Day 5 .... Pure Cardio. I thought I was going to die. Day 6 was Plyo again, and today is my rest day.

It's .... well, to be totally lame, insane. Sweat monsoons off my body. I wake up at 6:30 to do it, and I hate mornings, but if I waited I'd talk myself out of it. I don't want to talk myself out of it. I'm proud of myself when I'm finished. And I'm not even kidding here; after ONE WEEK I see muscle definition on my abs. ONE WEEK. I was totally shocked. So .... 8 more weeks to go! :)

I'm somewhat even following the nutrition guide that came with it: doing 4 or 5 small meals a day, 3 hours apart. According to the calculator, I'm supposed to be eating 2200 calories a day to maintain weight, which is what I want to do, but I simply don't know how to eat that much food anymore. I've been writing down and calculating everything, and I get to about 1400 a day and that's all I can put in my body without stuffing myself. At least, eating healthily that is. I'm sure I could eat more than that in pizza, but it's hard to rack up the calories with healthy food!

I've also been doing a second workout at night .... just a light one, that I don't actually consider a workout. When I've been getting home from work I've been doing the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga DVD to wind down and work on flexibility. And I did some free weight lifting two days as well while watching TV. I feel lazy if I just sit around watching TV.

At Brad's last night, I'm pretty sure he actually alluded to the fact that he's my boyfriend. It's not something we talk about, because we have before, months ago, and I've let him be, knowing that other than a word, he has been. He loves me, we spend tons of time together, his friends and family know and recognize me in the roll of Brad's girl ... we just don't have a word for it. When he first told me he loved me I had to refrain from crying out, "Default girlfriend now!" But last night we somehow wound up talking about my ex-boyfriend (Glenn) and he made a comment of, "Wow, that sounds like a major downgrade from me." I assured him it is, and mentioned that he cheated on me, a lot, with ugly girls. And he gathered me in and said, "Well I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere .... and i won't cheat on you with ugly chicks, or get a gay tattoo, or name my kid after a horrible video game character." And in my head I immediately thought, "You have to be in a relationship to cheat on someone ...." I know it's lame to get so excited about something that little, when I know we've been in a relationship for a long time now. But it's the first time he's ever verbally acknowledged it, and it makes me happy. <3

Back to football!

Ignite Your Saber

It's Time I Got Back, And I Don't Even Know How I Got Off The Track [22 Dec 2010|03:14am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Oh hey, LiveJournal! You're a thing I tend to check and forget that I can contribute to!

Since I pretty much have not updated, I'm going to do a throwback to 17 year old Arin and give you my year in review!

Christmas season at the mall was finally over, hooray! I was working at Vitamin World and Motherhood Maternity and still living with Ria. Our lease was expiring at the end of the month, so I found a new place to live and moved on the 25th. Brad was being an absolute darling that month too, so it was mostly smooth sailing with some minor financial troubles, what with buying furniture to fill a new place, as well as various deposits and turning on of services. But really, January was peaceful. And Mass Effect 2 came out! In less awesome news, I switched birth control pills and they screwed with me MAJORLY. I didn't get my period for 2 months, to be exact. I was taking pregnancy tests every week and freaking out, and keeping all of this a secret from Brad. After all, the tests kept coming back negative, right? No reason to upset him over nothing. I didn't wind up telling him until August, actually. Scary, scary time though.

Oh, February. I will always hate you. You're a big jerk. Brad got all distant. Working at Motherhood was driving me to the brink, my great aunt was driving me batty, and I couldn't even go take a walk because ahhhhhhhhh cold! I hate you, February. You suck.

Okay, Motherhood. That's it. You can screw off. I hate children and I hate pregnant bitches. QUIT! Felt amazingly great.God that place sucked. Increase of Vitamin hours! Was able to start walking again, which is one of the most calming, amazing things I can do for myself. Brad-things were getting back to a normal-ish place for us (we're weird) and in general, things were looking much up-ier than February.

Tried to get workout motivation back. Didn't work. Went to Fulton for Islander. Not bad! ..... for a day, then I started to go crazy and left. No thanks, Fulton. I do not miss you. First started to go into what become a series of a few jealous-crazy issues with Brad. As in, I got myself so stressed out and upset that I couldn't keep food down for a week and he thought I was pregnant. Awesome! I got to hang out with MK more this month, and I got Kristin back in my life! Hooray! (Dumping Patrick is now the most awesome thing two of my best friends has done!)

Clusterfuck. Still couldn't get motivated to work out - it's hard when you've gotten skinny - and working long hours didn't help. I like my job well enough, but there are some days when I just want to throttle all my customers. That was pretty much every day in May, and I had to go to this laaaaaame assistant manager conference in North St Louis and that was AWFUL and uuuuuuggggggggghhhhhh. Brad-things were good for most of the month, and then we got in a fight over what was basically nothing, and it did two things: showed me he cared more than I thought he did, and terrified me. I made some really rocking Oreo cupcakes though .... Oh, and LOST ended. Much sadness.

He went on vacation for 10 days and didn't talk to me once during it. Welcome to me Arin having a nervous breakdown! We were barely talking when he got back, and everything felt awful until he showed up at BWW while I was there with Lindsay, Jake, and some of their friends. By the end of the night we were making out in the parking lot. It was the first time we'd ever done ANYTHING in front of other people, other than hug. I was rather proud. We made a step! Lindsay and I went down to the Ozarks for a mini-vacation when I had a weekend off and that was nice. We had fun, and I got to wear my new bikini, which is way cute.

I slept on my couch for most of this month. Odd fact about me. Really uneventful. I work, I see people, the end. Lots of long walks and time for thinking about being restless ....

Went down to Farmington for Carla (formerly Hawkins) wedding reception. AWKWARD!!!!!! I knew Kristin and Carla's mom. The end. Other than that, this month was more of the same. My life functioned on a mostly even keel this year.

This was the month things with Brad and I went to where we are now, which is pure awesome. He went on a trip to Chicago with some friends to work on their photography/documentary, and I guess it made him realize he misses me when I'm not around? I have no clue. I know that he was gone for 5 days and he text me at 9 AM to wake me up when they all went to work and would text me all day until I was passing out at 2 AM. He started calling me "baby love muffin." Basically, he lost his mind, I think, but I'm not complaining. I gave him his birthday present (all-expenses paid trip to Green Bay in November for a Packers game; he'd mentioned once last year that it was one of his dreams to see a game at Lambeau before he died, so decided to make one of his dreams come true and blew my whole savings account making sure it happened) and he was THRILLED. I, in turn, was thrilled. And I finally told him I love him, which went much smoother than expected, with him telling me he'd been thinking about telling me the same thing the whole time he was gone. After blowing through my savings account in such a manner, I started thinking about getting a second job again. Then I didn't put much effort into it because really, I was content with life.

In October I gave myself goals! I started working out consistently again by creating a cardio-strength interval for myself that I do while watching SportsCenter (Hi, my name is Arin, and I'm an ESPNaholic ... ) I replaced the broken started in my car, which had made me walk to work for a month. I live less than a mile from work so it wasn't a huge deal, but with the weather cooling off I wanted my car back. I decided to do that whole second job thing and put in applications. I made myself a bitchin R2-D2 Halloween costume (Pictures can be viewed here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020277&id=188100358&l=70d4bbc2f3 ) which is something I'd been talking about doing for 2 years and finally made happen. And my final plan was to enjoy my birthday. This does not happen often, but I was determined. I planned a bowling party, because I'm cool, and it actually went pretty well. Minor bumps because Lindsay's boyfriend is a total douchewad and always tries to start trouble between Brad and I, but I was smoothed over. So, I guess that means I turned 25. I'm old. Old, old, old. I stopped really being friends with Lindsay this month because that's how much I can't stand her boyfriend. Like, seriously, when Mike-Kyle and I showed up for her party together, he freaked out about my "new boyfriend." Jake, you're a moron. I'm wild about Brad. It's not changing. Kristin, Chalmers, Jeanette and I went the Landing for Halloween, and I witnessed Jeanette getting fall-down, incapable of walking drunk. To think, we were all the good kids in high school!

To Green Bay Brad and I went! Three days together and 16 hours in a car .... and we still like each other. That was sort of a test, and we passed it, and had a really, really nice time while we were up there. The game was great, and the atmosphere was FANTASTIC. I love the Rams unconditionally, and I'm used to people making fun of me for that. In Green Bay on Sunday, I did not see a single person NOT in Packers gear. That is a football town, and I wish St Louis would show the Rams that kind of love and respect. Oh well, if no one else will, I'll love them enough to make up for it. I moved off the point, which was just that Green Bay couldn't have been better. It was worth all of the money and the saving and the not buying groceries and starving. I'm not being sarcastic - I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I came back and got a seasonal gig at Victoria's Secret, which is .... well, it's extra money for Christmas. I worked 13 hours on Black Friday and wanted to die, but I've been able to get some really great gifts for some really deserving people, so I shouldn't complain.

This month has been hectic. Always, always at the mall, at Brad's, or watching ESPN, basically. I haven't had much time for friends, and none for video games! I have been keeping with my workout - Monday through Friday! - but I've been sorta holiday-eating. No big, since I was way underwieight at 112, actually, but still. Kristin and I had an ice cream date to discuss WTF are we doing with out lives, which is a damn good question, since I've been at a job that I have no intention of staying at for going on 2 years now. Make no mistake, I planned to move back to San Diego last year. I stayed for Brad. I do not, even for a second, regret that. But I would like to get the hell out of this rut. Christmas is at the end of this week, and I'm excited. My Mom and Devan are supposed to come up here and I'm going to make Christmas dinner for all of us. I've gotten really interested in cooking - when my TV isn't on ESPN, it's on Food Network - and I have some great recipes planned. The end of the month should be calm, although I did just buy a really spectacular dress that I would like to find something to do with on New Years Eve. New years is my favorite holiday, and I want to spend it with Brad, but us making plans is always sketchy. We really have to fall into them, and I'm hoping to fall. In my amazing dress. I told Lindsay to host a party (hilariously, the first thing I've said to her in months) and that'd be cool, but eh. We'll see.

As for next year? I'm going to get the Insanity workout dvds and just destroy my body, basically. I'm super, super excited for that. I'm skinny now and I know that, but I'm not toned and I want to be, and I think this will do it for me. Other than that, I want to find some acting to do. I'm really rusty right now, but I realized not acting is the reason i spent this entire year feeling restless and dissatisfied. When I left WWU I was fed up with it. Maybe I needed the time off, maybe it was a mistake to take it, but I can't stand not acting anymore. I'd love to quit all my jobs and go after it hardcore, but alas, bills must be paid. I have to do something though. Getting into hardcore knock-out shape is a good start, and why I'm really doing it, and I think once a week I'm going to start doing some of my old vocal exercises for an hour or two - it's sad how much I've let my singing voice deteriorate since all my lessons - and just do some reading and movements, get back into it with some old scripts and books and such three times a week for half an hour to an hour. Do that for the two months of Insanity and start looking around and getting a feel for the StL theatre scene, then get some new headshots done and start looking for ... whatever. Modeling, acting, live, film, whatever. Anything to get back in and start padding the resume. Anyone with any leads, LET ME KNOW.

I'm excited for the new year, and trying to get back to living instead of just existing. I know I haven't talked to a lot of you in a while, I'm sorry, I'm bad, but don't ever hesitate to contact me for whatever! I want to reconnect this year too! Yes, I'm busy a lot and I'm sure you guys are too, but I'm sure we can work something out if we really want to! Grab lunch, do some shopping, go for a run (ANDREW! Haha, I can't wait till it gets warm and we can go running together!) or just sit around and gab. The number is 636-208-7245. Use it, well and often.

Ignite Your Saber

I Don't Wanna Think Anymore [02 Jun 2010|11:25am]
[ mood | mer ]

I just want to scream at him sometimes that this shouldn't be so difficult. I've liked him for a full year, we've been hanging out and such for 11 months of that year, and really, we've been "together" for the last 6 months. So why why why why WHY must it be a constant rollercoaster?

2 Ignited _Ignite Your Saber

And I Miss You When You're Around [07 Feb 2010|10:24pm]
[ mood | Contemplative ]

I want it to be spring. I want the air to smell clean and new; I want to run and feel the wind whipping around me and know that warmth is coming. I want the sky to be blue and not gray; I want colors and fragrances and to feel alive.

The move went as smoothly as a move could. The apartment is unpacked and pretty and mine. It's home. Nerdy and relatively empty, but all mine.

Work work work work woooooooooooooooork, but I love it. If I weren't super-busy, I don't know what I'd do.

Working out again. Bikinis come back into style in three months, and I'd like to look smoldering hot in mine. I don't need to lose any more weight - I actually need to put some back on and tone.

Things with The Boy are going as well as I could possibly hope - so much better than I'd ever dreamed they possibly could when I was crying myself to sleep over him multiple times a week back in August/September. I don't dare push him, and instead just enjoy what we have and wait until he decides to push me. He cares, and that's all that really matters.

Ignite Your Saber

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